Miss Manners: My friend’s actions suggest my guest room isn’t good enough

Published On: July 25, 2025

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have visited a dear friend a few times over the years, and each time, I am greeted with a lovely guest room: comfortable bedding, fresh flowers and fluffy towels, all of which made my stay extra special. When she visited me for the first time, I was excited to put together a similar experience for her. But I was rather shocked to discover that she arrived with a sleeping bag and her own towels, saying she didn’t want to inconvenience me.

Now I don’t know what to do when (or if) I visit her again. Pack my own bedding and towels? It seems odd that a guest would not want to enjoy the trouble that the host obviously went to, but perhaps I have been mistaken.

GENTLE READER:

You don’t have bedbugs, do you? Presuming that there is no such danger from which your friend has to protect herself, her actions have informed you that your hospitality is not good enough for her.

Oh, Miss Manners realizes that was not your friend’s intention. She is one of those people who says, “I just don’t want to be any trouble,” and therefore creates not only unnecessary trouble, but bad feelings as well.

Should you still want to accept her invitations, you should ask whether you should bring your own things — and if not, ask why she did. Tell her that you had taken pleasure in providing accommodations that you thought she would enjoy, and were disappointed to find that she did not consider them adequate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,

www.missmanners.com

; to her email,

[email protected]

; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)