Miss Manners: How can I get my family to stop making comments about my weight?

Published On: July 25, 2025

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have been the same weight my whole adult life, and I am very uncomfortable with comments about my body. I have several relatives who like to say “You’ve lost weight!” when I see them at holidays.

This seems rude to me. Nobody would ever exclaim, “My, you’ve gained weight!” So why do they think it’s OK to make the opposite observation? (Never mind that they are incorrect, and my weight hasn’t changed in 40 years!)

Is there a way to politely respond to this comment and suggest they stop saying it?

GENTLE READER:

Really? You think nobody would ever insult anyone about gaining weight? So-called fat shaming is practically a national sport. Ask anyone who is not super-thin.

But you are right that there is some difference in the matter of losing weight. Unless a loss is so dramatic that your relatives are worried about your health, they probably believe that this is some sort of compliment.

It is not. Miss Manners recommends simply replying, “No, I’ve been this same weight my whole adult life.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,

www.missmanners.com

; to her email,

[email protected]

; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)