To Annie, please:For years, I lavished myself with celebrations for Father’s Day, Christmas, and my husband’s birthday. I took the time to prepare his favorite meals, choose heartfelt presents, and make him feel special. I did it out of love for him and a conviction that it was important to express gratitude.
However, nothing happened on my birthday or any other occasion. Not even a simple “Happy Birthday” or card. I silently endured the pain year after year, but on the inside, it was like a knife to my heart. Knowing that my birthday will come and go like any other day, I started to dread it.
After a year, I was at my breaking point. I did nothing on his birthday. No Happy Birthday, no cake, no gift. Confused, he looked around when he returned home from work. “You didn’t get me anything for my birthday?” he finally said. I got you the same stuff you usually get me, I said coolly. Nothing. I then resumed my dishwashing.
I can genuinely state that he hasn’t forgotten a single noteworthy occasion in the thirty-five years since that time.
Why do some partners only learn the value of appreciation after experiencing the consequences of their actions? Is there a more effective approach to convey the message without resorting to harsh measures? — Wounded but vindicated
Dear Vindicated but Worn Out: Sometimes ceasing to speak and letting your absence speak for you is the only way to be heard. Thank goodness, he understood the lesson you taught him. That type of silence shouldn’t have been necessary to make him aware of the situation, but it did the trick.
Appreciation should ideally be freely given and reciprocated rather than demanded through protest. However, your experience serves as a reminder that you can always teach someone how to treat you.
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