To Abby, please:I recently took care of my mother in hospice for weeks. When she breathed her final breath, I was holding her hand. I had informed friends and family of her decision to join hospice care. They were aware that she would soon die. It was my responsibility to plan her burial because she was the only child still alive. My friends and everyone else asked me to notify them of the service date and time.
Excuses began to come in as soon as I posted the funeral details. People who claimed to love my mother and whom I had thought of as close friends and relatives gave me a dozen excuses for not going to her burial.
After Mom’s service, I looked back and saw that I had contributed to school fundraisers, purchased Girl Scout cookies, listened to their long list of problems, and attended every bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, burial, and graduation. They decided to abandon me during the most terrible period of my life. Then it hit me: I don’t actually have any family or friends that I care about.
I would love to express my feelings of anger and abandonment to those folks. What do you think?
— DENVER DEVASTATED
To Devastated: Please accept my sincere condolences for your mother’s passing. Although your feelings are valid, recognize that they are still raw at the moment. Even though you may be feeling angry right now, do it because you want to let these individuals know how you feel, but not out of rage. At a moment when you most needed them, talk to each of those people one-on-one and be open about how their absence made you feel sad and alone. You need to get it off your chest, and they need to hear it.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Please reach out to Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com. Andrews McMeel Syndication, copyright 2025.
