Dear Eric:
I’m on a condo board with a couple of men who seem very controlling and regularly impugn my honesty. This is extremely uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to respond.
For example, we had a meeting and one of them said we never have discussed these topics at this kind of meeting. I’m the secretary. I said look at last year’s special meeting after the annual election. You will see that we had some old business, new business and an executive session after the election of officers.
Instead of saying, I’m sorry I guess I was just mistaken, he said, “Well, I’ll look it up.” This person doesn’t always respond to questions or information.
I recognize that most of this is probably his issue, not mine. But it is very aggravating to have somebody frequently questioning my motives, my integrity or the information that I provide.
Nobody else steps up and says stop it. If I say that’s inappropriate or request that he handle things differently, then I am berated. I’m not sure what to do with his confrontational behavior.
Please, give me suggestions other than just ignoring him.
– Avoiding Condo Boorishness
Dear Avoiding:
Some of the biggest obstacles to condo and HOA boards are the Three Ps: Parking, Pets and People. You’ve got a people problem which, to my mind, can be the most vexing.
One suggestion is to make addressing this behavior part of the new business. A board governs the running and maintenance of the building, but it also governs itself. So, putting in place guidelines for respectful discourse and consequences for failing to show respect falls within the board’s purview. Admittedly, this might escalate things, but if you’re being berated publicly and no one is coming to your aid or stopping this inappropriate behavior, then this is more than just a problem between you and him. It’s an issue with the board.
Now, if the board is made up of more boors than just the one, this may not be a workable solution. Other options: telling him “we can speak like adults when you calm down, but until then we can’t be in communication;” or, if your condominium works with a management company, ask them if they provide mediation or conflict resolution assistance.
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