Both friends and prospective customers frequently ask me, “What are your clients like?” What is their age? They ask you what kinds of questions?
I’ll allow you in.
My clientele ranges in age from the mid-20s to the mid-70s, with roughly 70% of them being women and 30% being men. The majority, however, are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Though my coaching can frequently be even more beneficial to guys, I generally think that women are more conditioned to be able to seek for help than men are.
— Is there a common subject that individuals come to you about most often, and has it evolved over time?
Frequently discussed subjects include creating a profile (how to write about yourself in a way that is distinctive and sticks out), messaging on apps to turn discussions into dates (where many people get stuck), and general dating-related communication.
The questions have undoubtedly shifted over time to focus more on what to do if I feel like I’m being ghosted or if someone is vanishing. In between dates, how do I text? How can I ask for or explain what I want? In a world that moves so quickly, particularly when it comes to texting, people frequently make snap judgments about the future of their developing relationships based on a few hours of information rather than waiting to see how things work out or seeking clarity.
Additionally, over the past few years, therapeutic speak has shown in practically every query and circumstance. Understanding attachment styles and terms like trauma bonding or gaslighting, for instance, are undoubtedly useful, but I’ve discovered that people are so quick to name things that it really dilutes the behavior itself. For instance, people are ready to diagnose anxious attachment disorder when, in fact, it may just be—and frequently is—a particular action taken by someone that caused them to feel nervous. People’s performance is hampered, in my opinion, when they rely on justifications like “it’s because of my anxious attachment” rather than examining the situation directly and making an effort to improve it.
— Do you believe social media dating advice is helpful? When your clients come to you for help, do they ever mention dating articles they’ve seen online?
If the proper person is giving it, dating advice on social media might be helpful. You must connect with the expert you listen to, much like while dating. I’ve been dating for 14 years, and I must admit that I’m frustrated by a lot of the advise that is out there, which seems to be clickbait or meant to arouse people’s emotions. On the other hand, my advice is based on my experience dealing with customers as well as my background as an economist. I also make an effort to substantiate the majority of my recommendations with facts or figures wherever possible. Since my counsel primarily boils down to common sense—which people frequently lack when faced with a situation—I won’t shatter the internet with it, which is a good thing. A person’s advise is definitely too contentious or completely out of the ordinary if they are trying to gain favor.
— Have you observed a change in the dating attitudes of your younger clients?
Younger clients still desire to meet a partner, therefore I haven’t seen a change in their perspective on being single. The majority of people who approach me want to be in a relationship, so it’s clear that I have a biased sample of clients, but some fundamentals are constant: the need for connection at whatever age.
However, I’ve observed that younger generations are less willing to categorize their relationships. I suggest that everyone utilize the word “date” to be deliberate in their actions. People frequently use the term “talking” to refer to anything from merely exchanging messages on a dating app to having sex with one another and all points in between. In order to lessen the blow if things don’t work out, many younger people are also opting to do what I refer to as a free trial between becoming exclusive and formally attaching a relationship label. Instead, when you become exclusive, talk about everything that comes with it, such as what to do with your dating app profiles (pause or delete them), what you will call each other (boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc.), and anything else you might want to clarify.
As a coach, my best course of action is to adjust to the evolving dating scene, namely the language and resources employed, but overall, people’s desire for a relationship doesn’t change.
(A Little Nudge was founded by Erika Ettin, who assists people in navigating the frequently daunting realm of online dating. Do you want to get in touch with Erika? For updates and advice, sign up for her newsletter at eepurl.com/dpHcH.)
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