CLEVELAND, Ohio In all honesty, the Browns Dude Wipes’ sponsored public premiere of their new alternate all-brown outfits and helmets came off as the front office farting, with the appearance of being flushed due to the social media response.
Note: Pictures of Paul Brown’s and Art Modell’s real concept helmets with logos are posted below.
On a barge beside the stadium on the shores of Lake Erie, the all-brown helmet’s debut got off to a rough start.
The videographer backed up too far and fell into the water when an orange tarp bearing the Dude Wipes logo was lifted off a gigantic copy of the all-brown helmet. As a jet ski swooped over, Chomp, the Browns’ dawg mascot, threw a life preserver to the videographer. Could Chomp be the fifth quarterback in training camp with that preserver pass?
It appears that the Dawg’s dungarees should have made their debut next to a fire hydrant, porta potty, or on or in a large toilet bowl, based on the response to several social media posts about the Browns’ all-brown helmet and clothing.
Most of the people who responded were party animals who made fun of the team’s play and the all-brown clothes that matched turds with scatological humor.
For the record, despite how ridiculous wearing all-brown helmets and outfits may seem, the Cleveland Browns are named after their first coach, legendary Paul Brown, not the color or Charlie Brown.
I felt compelled to inform my editor that the uniform premiere was sponsored by Dude Wipes, that I wasn’t making it up, and that it wasn’t an onion spoof parody.
It was a poor decision to draft Dude Wipes to promote the introduction of all-brown uniforms, which only served to exacerbate the excretion analogies.
There had been conjecture that the new alternate helmet would feature a logo for the first time prior to its announcement and unveiling. Mockups of the new and old Dawg logos, as well as the standing or running Brownie Elf logos, on orange, white, and all-brown helmets with stripes down the middle had been posted online.
The all-brown helmet uniforms are being ridiculed for matching UPS all-brown uniforms and trucks, in addition to being likened to manure. Therefore, the UPS sponsor logo or the feces emoji might also be featured on the all-brown helmet. It should be mentioned that UPS regularly provides better service than the Browns play, to their credit.
Following Paul Brown’s decision to paint the Browns’ all-white helmets orange, team trainer Leo Murphy attempted to place the running Brownie Elf—who is currently on the 50-yard line—on the side of the orange helmets but ultimately decided to keep them plain orange.
For a brief period, former owner Art Modell intended to have a CB logo on the side. He included it in a number of promotional materials, but the players allegedly objected to or refused the helmets, so it never made it onto the field.
The all-white helmets with brown and orange stripes that were introduced in the 2023 season are one of the two alternate helmets that the Browns now wear. with the recently released orange-striped, all-brown model. The all-white with stripes is my favorite of the two, and I wish it had been worn with a brown jersey as well and continued as a regular season uniform rotation.
It would also be preferable if the orange and white jersey and leggings were worn with the all-brown helmets.
The Browns will play three games against the Charmin Bears, Cottonelle Pups, and Royal Kittens while sporting their new all-brown outfit and helmet set, which they have named ALPHA-DAWGS. GO, ALPHA-DAWGS! WOOF, WOOF!
