To Annie, please: I need some guidance. Three years ago, my son married a woman we were unaware of. He didn’t bring her over to tell us about her. didn’t even disclose his marriage to us. He stopped talking to us.
My son then inquired as to whether I had any insurance money after my husband passed away. That brought me back. Unless he needs money, I don’t see him anymore. If his wife doesn’t get what she wants, she sends me angry texts. Did I mention that she has four previous marriages? He is the fifth husband she has had.
My kid died from an overdose after she left him for another man. She was taken back by my son! She never paid him a visit when he ended up in the hospital. He has diabetes presently.
He tells me stories that I know are untrue when I do hear from him. He fills in for her. He is aware that she is self-centered and a narcissist. He even said that his work is more important to him than she is. She is not employed.
Before meeting her, he had never been this way. He doesn’t look after himself. Three times already, they had been evicted from residences due to her failure to pay the bills. After she broke her leg in an accident, they reunited after a period of separation (again). That must have been a ploy to get him back. I’m worried about his health and well-being. She takes advantage of his kindness. Any suggestions? — How to Handle a Narcissist
Regarding Handling a Narcissist: It sounds like your son is caught in a vicious loop that is exhausting both of you. Witnessing someone you care about being taken advantage of, mistreated, and forced into seclusion by someone who doesn’t give a damn about their welfare is devastating.
Regretfully, when adults make bad decisions, even ones that harm themselves, there is a limit to what other people can do, particularly if they are unwilling or unable to change. The fact that your son is still covering for her falsehoods indicates that he is not yet ready to terminate things, even though he may be on his way to understanding the reality about this woman—his admission of her narcissism shows that he is at least not delusional.
You cannot save your son, but you can show him your love and support. Assure him that you are always available to him, and concentrate your efforts on safeguarding your own physical and mental well. A good support group or therapist would be very helpful.
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